Friday, 7 January 2011

Primark to hit the High Mark?

Current speculation is that the giant which is Primark may occupy a new unit at Westwood.  Thanet Theroid can already hear the bays of protest from Anti-Westwood-Cross Thanetians.  The main protest, Thanet Theroid imagines, will be about the possible/inevitable closure of the Margate store.  The words nail and coffin spring to mind.  Yes, if the Margate store closes it is a loss for Margate but the potential, financial and employment gain resulting from a larger store would, surely, be worth it.

Would it be an awful thing for a landmark Primark store to rest its haunches within Westwood?  Gasp, Thanet Theroid thinks not!  Indeed Canterbury cannot hold such a claim, nor even can Bluewater (Lakeside has one but is even further afield).  With large stores noticeably absent from a close driving radius, surely this would be a boost for the Thanet area. 

Primark representation in Kent, other than the current store in Margate High Street, can be found at Chatham, Bromley, Folkestone (if this has indeed taken over the old BHS), Gravesend, Maidstone and Dartford (TT may have missed one or two but let TT know if you are aware of any that TT is not – besides, all of these stores are a bit of a mission for the Theroid-Mobile).  The largest Primark in Kent is the Chatham store, the largest in the South-East probably being located in Oxford Street, London, the largest in the world is reputedly in Manchester.  Would it be a bad thing for Westwood, Thanet to have a supersized Primark store next to TKMaxx?

Time moves on, things progress.  Buildings change, landscape re-scapes.  To all of the Westwood Cross haters out there – where have you been shopping these past years since Westwood Cross and the surrounding superstores progressed?  Thanet Theroid adores the shops of Broadstairs.  Ramsgate has some gems to offer but Margate High Street began to crack and crumble before the arrival of the (supposed) bane that is called Westwood.

Wednesday, 5 January 2011

Drive-By Shouting at Westwood

The Theroid-Mobile pulled out of Smyth’s car park, acknowledging oncoming driver signalling to turn left into the Smyth’s car park.  What Thanet Theroid hadn’t taken into consideration was that said driver was a raving, idiotic, incompetent loser.  Thanet Theroid should have been psychic and realised that the loser driver hadn’t cancelled indicator after exiting Sainsbury’s car park. Of course Thanet Theroid can read minds, why could Thanet Theroid not read this mind?  Obviously too much of a loser to register on the Theroid-Telepathometer.

Having joined the main throng of Thanetian motorists, Thanet Theroid was most surprised to be immediately tailgated by the Loser-Mobile. Theroid-Mobile held back at the lead up to the Homebase/Debenhams/ex-Pearce Signs roundabout, having seen Loser-Mobile move into the left hand lane, which was not surprising as it was STILL signalling to turn left.

Loser-Mobile had already lowered driver side window to shout obscenities, not realising that the Theroid-Mobile’s passenger side window was lowered in pre-emption.  Cue much foul shouting from Loser-Mobile, and much silenced by Thanet-Theroid’s abrupt (albeit smug) rendition of the truth.  Loser-Mobile instantaneously screamed a disingenuous apology: “I’M SORRY!” (delivered at the decibel level of a rock-concert), with-wound, turtle-neck like, behind raised glass and sped off into the mythological Westwood Gridlock at great velocity.

Wednesday, 29 December 2010

Prohibited Perambulators Proceed at Personal Peril

Thanet Theroid has encountered, on several separate occasions, teenage riders of quad bikes/mopeds/hairdryers on the Thanetian footpaths, pedestrian links/alleyways or local parks. 

Is Thanet Theroid picking on Thanetian Teenagers? No, it has, unfortunately, been forced to jump out of the way of teens, nay perambulators on motorised wheels.

Thanet Theroid decided upon a wintery, promenade cliff-top walk.  The paving above the unfenced cliffs being almost completely smooth and devoid of bollards evidently proved a shameless call to under-age riders.  Elderly were forced to the side, jeered at and jostled with wanton abandon.  One elderly chap was reduced to shaking an ineffective and unseen fist as a rider revved and zoomed up a pedestrian alleyway between houses.

When the snow fell over the Isle of Thanet those days ago, Thanet Theroid witnessed a quad-biker (fresh out of nappies) terrorising a local park.  Should Thanet Theroid have called the local police station?  Surely they must have heard the overactive hairdryer from the custody suite?

What should be done to stop these predominantly dangerous misdemeanours? Does anyone care? Will it take a mowed down mutt to attract retribution?  Who’s up for the Washing Line approach?  Personal Peril resulting in the garrotting of said perpetrators?  Everyone loves “The Great Escape” why not put it into practice in peace time?

Perhaps Thanet Theroid and all Thanetians will achieve greater peace at this festive time. *Cough*, or piece.

Tuesday, 28 December 2010

Westwood Walking

Having missed out on the shopping extravaganza in the immediate days after Christmas due to illness, Thanet Theroid decided to venture to the wilds that is, or are, Westwood. 

The Theroid-Mobile sailed effortlessly past the Asda roundabout, slowed only momentarily by traffic in the roundabout turning into Tesco.  Indeed finding a space in the Matalan car park only took a mere few minutes, not particularly registering high on the Westwood Cross Gridlockometer.

Thanet Theroid trundled into aforesaid Matalan, stopped off at Brantano, perused BHS Home and decided to leave the Theroid-Mobile and continue en-hoof to the Homebase, Argos etc. shopping area via the pedestrian crossing link.  Thanet Theroid assumed, rather naively but according to Westwood Myth, that this would be the faster route.

Was it heck!  Cars sailed past as Thanet Theroid teetered on the brink of the Mythological Westwood Cross Gridlock which had, magically, transformed into a fast-flowing torrent of Thanetian vehicles.  Previously unheard of at Westwood, apparently.  The pedestrian crossing took an eternity to bestow its green man smile upon Thanet Theroid, not even picking up on the parting of the Westwood Vehicular Sea.

One thing guaranteed to annoy Thanet Theroid is the slowing of a driver, gesturing to awaiting crossers but oblivious to the second lane of traffic beside him/her awaiting to zoom past and collect points for knocking down misguided Westwood Walkers foolish enough to respond to a seemingly innocent and friendly hand gesture.   

In contrast, pedestrians champing at the bit to cross Margate Road accosted Thanet Theroid in the form of a frantic pack of sale-hungry shoppers.  If Thanet Theroid had decided to take the car between segments of Westwood, it would have been far less traumatic.  Vehicles line up and pass as per expectation, the Shopping Pack has no such rules, not even passing a glance to the wounded as they snarl past.  Packs of sale-hungry shoppers flooding the pedestrian crossings at Westwood were in no way dissimilar to those storming the ped-routes of Westwood Cross itself, devouring retail competitors in their wake.

Next time, green or no, the Theroid-Mobile will not be left tethered to its white lines nor will Thanet Theroid surf the sea of Sale-Shopping as a small fish again but set sail as a Great White Thanetian Theroid.